


5 Times Shepard's Squad Was A Little Too Meta-Aware

by Turn_of_the_Sonic_Screw



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: 5 Things, Exactly What It Says on the Tin, F/F, Gen, Meta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-14
Updated: 2017-04-14
Packaged: 2018-10-18 18:04:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10622247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Turn_of_the_Sonic_Screw/pseuds/Turn_of_the_Sonic_Screw
Summary: Five vignettes spanning the Milky Way trilogy. Raised eyebrows or anatomical equivalent abound.





	1. The Consort

“Is she just going to?.. While we’re standing here?...” Ashley’s question was soon answered as Shepard drew the consort into a deep embrace.

“I guess so.” Tali shifted uncomfortably. “Do you think we should go back out to the lounge?”

“Saren’s already tried to have her killed outside of Flux,” Ashley reminded the quarian as Sha'ira’s expert hands freed Shepard from her armor. “I’d never forgive myself if something happened to the Skipper while we let our guard down.”

“Shepard doesn’t seem to have any qualms about letting her guard down. Or anything else.” A pause as the asari’s robe pooled at the floor. “I can see why the consort is so sought-after.” Tali discreetly adjusted her neuro-stim program.

“I didn’t think you were the type to go for an asari.” Ashley noticed Tali’s movement. “You aren’t recording this, are you?”

“Just because I spend all my time on over-repaired ships doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate aesthetics. And...wow. That is impressive. Do all human women bend like that?”

Ashley whistled. “Nope. Are quarians that flexible?”

Tali smirked, probably, inside her smoked visor. “I didn’t think you were the type to go for a quarian girl, Williams. But yes, yes we are.”


	2. Armor Swapping

Shepard rubbed her hands together as her squad bundled out of the Mako. “Cold, Commander?”

“Says the blue girl,” Kaidan muttered.

“I just want to see what those geth dropped and what’s in those crates.” Her omnitool flickered to life as she scanned two suits of armor. “Ooh, this is real nice. And I can wear medium armor, finally. I’ll take this one. Liara, you take this one and give your old suit to Alenko.” Both biotics looked at Shepard, jaws dropped, as she started to unseal her armor. 

“Shepard, would now be a bad idea to remind you that Noveria is officially classified as a Level 1 Cold Hazard?” Liara shivered pointedly.

The Commander shrugged. “Fine, we’ll change in the Mako.” 

“I already told you, I’m not interested in a threesome with you and Liara,” Kaidan groused. 

“Your loss,” Shepard quipped, already bare to the waist. “Come on, we’ve got to be at our best by the time we reach Benezia.”

“Shepard, I realize this is a relatively minor objection,” Liara began reluctantly, but already shucking her boots and gloves, “but while you and I are nearly the same height, the lieutenant is four inches taller than I am, and you outweigh me by several kilos.”

“All of it muscle, babe.” Shepard stopped to grin and flex for her girlfriend. Kaidan just rolled his eyes and undid his belt. Orders were orders, after all.

Somehow, by the end of it, nothing had frozen off and everyone was, somehow, fully armored. “Don’t forget your sniper rifle, babe,” Shepard teased.

“I don’t know why I’m fully armed,” Liara muttered. “I’m barely trained with a basic sidearm. I’m just a scientist! At least Kaidan is an Alliance soldier.”

“On second thought,” Shepard reflected, “Maybe you two should switch…”


	3. Prescient Mako navigating

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not based on any particular planet.

“Do you ever wonder,” Tali began.

“Nope,” Wrex grunted.

“Do you ever wonder,” Tali continued, undaunted, “how Shepard knows to take the Mako to just the right corner of the operational zone?”

“Whaddya mean?” Wrex shrugged, slow and tectonic. “I’m too busy manning the cannon, usually.”

“Like now, for instance,” Tali explained. She tugged Wrex back inside the Mako as Shepard continued to hack the crashed probe they had driven up to. “This is the preliminary scan of the area. Here’s the merc base we were supposed to destroy, and here’s the anomaly that turned out to be a Prothean ruin.” 

“Okay, yeah.” Wrex tapped the orange markers with chunky fingers. “And this is us?” 

“That’s right. Way out in the corner. This probe didn’t show up on our scanners until we were well out of either the shortest or easiest course to that uranium deposit.”

“Huh. Guess she just got lucky.”

“Once, maybe. But I’ve been running the numbers in my spare time.” 

Wrex snorted. “Kid, you need to get out more. Or let that turian fuck you. Whichever.”

“Garrus? But we’re-- Never mind. My point is that, on these ‘lucky’ jaunts, she’s taking nearly perfect trajectories to something she shouldn’t--couldn’t--know is there.”

“You think there’s something wrong with her?” Wrex reached for his shotgun.

Tali shook her head. “Bioscans are normal. It’s just uncanny.”

“Especially given how bad she is at driving the Mako otherwise.”

“That we can agree on.”


	4. Skill Changes

“Ah, Vakarian, Chakwas, good! Wanted to see you.” The salarian favors them with a thin-lipped smile. “Had question about Shepard. Possibly sensitive.” He inhales sharply.

Garrus shrugs. “Sure, ask away.” 

“Was reviewing Shepard’s combat dossier.” Inhale. “Fascinating specimen. Included information on infiltrator training regimen. Did not include use of tactical cloak. Yet have seen her deploy skill on several occasions.” He hums appreciatively. “Would have been useful during stint in STG.” His bulbous eyes lock onto Garrus. “Must know: did she develop this skill during hunt for Saren?”

Garrus fights the urge to pick at his scars, scratches the healthy side of his face instead. “Before Omega, I never saw her use it. Well, not that I would have seen it...you know what I mean.” His hands fall to fumble at his waist. “Which reminds me: Dr. Chakwas, I didn’t think Shepard had any biotic potential?”

“She didn’t.” Chakwas shakes her head. “Human biotics are still relatively rare; those with usable skills who enlist are heavily encouraged to make use of them by the Alliance.”

“Then why is she able to summon stasis fields?” Garrus presses with the anxiety of a man who thinks his best friend has gained an unfair advantage in their headshot competition. 

“I...don’t know.” The medical officer shrugs. “What Cerberus did to her was highly experimental. It’s possible that whatever treatment brought her back to life activated some latent ability.”

“Interesting hypothesis. Will require further study.” Mordin rubs his hands together gleefully. “Looking forward to discussing analysis with you, Doctor.”

“Don’t be a stranger, Dr. Solus. I’ve got a bottle of Serrice Ice Brandy that’s still mostly full. Levo, unfortunately, Garrus,” she adds quickly. The salarian beams at the invitation.


	5. Deja Vu

“Dr. T’Soni,” EDI begins, “have you noticed frequent feelings of deja vu?”

“Why? Have you?” EDI nods as an explosion rattles the ground beneath them. “I didn’t realize that was something that an AI could experience.”

“It is most perplexing. I have scanned my memory banks both aboard this platform and on the Normandy and have found no sign of corruption. Tali’Zorah and Engineer Adams have also performed diagnostics with no result. Tali’Zorah also indicated that she had similar symptoms, including on common occasions. This suggests the sensation is genuine.”

“Thank the goddess,” Liara murmurs. “I was worried the stress of the war was starting to cause me to crack. Especially since the feeling seems strongest when we are facing particularly difficult challenges.” 

“Your observation is borne out by my own empirical study. Banshees are particularly strongly correlated.” A warning howl echoes toward them.

“Goddess! You don’t think this is some form of indoctrination, do you?”

“Unlikely. Legion indicated that the geth were not susceptible to indoctrination, and yet I am suffering the same symptoms.”

“Perhaps we are all losing it, then,” Liara mutters bitterly.

“It is statistically improbable that we would both manifest stress in the same way, and, I suspect, at some of the same times.”

“When Shepard is killed, you mean.” EDI nods once, precise. Another howl, much closer now. “I suggest we continue this conversation another time, EDI.”

***

“Dr. T’Soni,” EDI begins, “have you noticed frequent feelings of deja vu?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Goddamn banshees.


End file.
